I recently had a question about discerning God's will about whether or not someone should be in a given relationship. Discerning with whom we are meant to be in intimate relationship is often not an easy or clear thing to do. It's hard to know where our motivations are coming from. Is the motivation coming from God or from our own desires or wishes that we project onto God--keeping in mind that our own desire is often a window onto God's desire. Still, it's easy for our desire to fix on things that fall short of the glory of God. And knowing "God's will" is always challenging. In my own experience, I know that I am often on tricky ground when I say that I know what God wills for me. There are times when we do get very direct nudges from God in one direction or another. However, in those times, I think it's a wise practice to go to another trusted person in the Christian community and talk over those things that I sense God is telling me. That trusted friend in the Christian community is often very helpful in drawing out the authentic voice of God and can also help me to see what part may not be of God but may be coming from my own ego and wishes.
I think there are some other things to consider in in the process of discernment. Does this relationship bring you to a deeper level of wholeness, or do you feel in this relationship like you can't be fully the person that God has created you to be? Does the relationship draw you deeper into joy, or does there seem to be conflict present on a regular basis? Is the relationship one where you can risk being authentic and honest with how you really feel, good and bad, or do you have the sense that you have to walk on eggshells? Are your values compatible, particularly your spiritual values? Is God at the center, and does this relationship pull you more deeply into the love of God, or do you have the sense that the relationship is actually pulling you further from your life in God? These are not easy questions, nor or they probably all the questions that one needs to ask, but they might help us begin to look at our relationships from some different perspectives.
Whether the relationship works out or not, it's important to remember that nothing is lost on our journey with God. Maybe the relationship goes forward, maybe it doesn’t, but whatever love one experiences and the lessons one learns all go to deepen and fill out the unique and beautiful creation that God has made each and every one of us to be--again, nothing is lost. All that we learn will be taken up and redeemed in some way--and we may not see the fruits of that work for a good long while. Relationships are immensely challenging, but they are indeed the territory where we discover God's grace and steadfast love. They are the place where we get to soar and fall flat on our face, only to discover that God will raise us up again. They are the place where we get to discover what it means to love and to be loved, to forgive and to be forgiven. They are the place where we get to discover the gospel of new beginnings over and over and over again.
In peace,
Cyndi+
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